Waves

April 16, 2010

The morning sun pushed through the dirty window. The wind continues to blow as it has for the past few days. All night the wind howled and threw itself against the capsule of my home. Slowly, as consciousness seeped in, I stretched cramped limbs into the cubby holes designed for them and sat up in the back of my beige adventure chariot. After locating the things on my morning priority list; things that when you live out of your car you need to find in the morning; things like a bathroom and some preferably free food, my mind turned to the Superior Dream.

This project has seemed to invade every thought, and some actual dreams lately. It feels good to have a mission like this, but it feels scary to take on a project of this magnitude. I seem to ride waves, experiencing the crests and the troughs, the good and the bad.

There are going to be a lot of 'firsts' for this trip, and that adds a bit of stress to an already stressful situation. We are two guys planning their first expedition, building their first kayaks, and trying to produce their first film which happens to be Lake Superior's first kayak circumnavigation film.

There are a lot of questions. Questions from, 'How we are actually going to pull this thing off?' to 'Are we going to be able pull this off'.

There are pointless and endless 'What if's'... What if I build a kayak shaped like a 'C'? What if my tendonitus kicks in? What if, what if, what if? And of course the big one, hanging over my head like a suspended anvil: What if we fail?

At times I struggle with self confidence. Who am I to be taking on such a large concept? Am I physically going to be able to do what I've told a lot of people I am planning to do? I have stage fright about being on film. Really, what do I have to say that is so important? Am I corny funny or witty funny--or not funny? I guess we'll find that one out together soon enough.

Ultimately, when I am in these troughs, I remember to take a deep breath and focus on the task at hand. Accomplish and move on. Then look back at the end of the day or week and see what has been done. This idea will serve me well on long, hard paddling days.

I think about the support of friends and family that are pillars to the success of this dream. Without them, this whole idea would collapse. The main reason I feel supremely confident about the expedition is this: As a team, Luke and I can do anything. Being good problem solvers, we share a talent for just making things work out. Our attitudes compliment each other and we are hard workers. I also trust that things work out the way they are supposed too. I think of these things and gain some of my confidence back, and work my way toward the crest.

If all of this was to be broken down to its elements: I am a guy in a kayak paddling with a friend. That is good enough for me.

When I woke up this morning, the sun was shining and the wind off the lake was blowing. I crawled out of my sleeping bag and car in search for my priorities. Along the way I felt the warmth of the sun, the freshness of the wind, and realized I am already riding some of Lake Superior's waves.